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So maybe that’s what it all is. A delusion.

 had forced myself into thinking that maybe someday, it will happen. Maybe someday, you will look at me like you look at her. Someday, you will long to talk to me like I do. Someday, you’ll just call me to tell me that you miss me.
I just realized, that someday is never happening. Someday Never will you look at me like you look at her. Someday Never will you long to talk to me like I do.Someday Never will you call to tell me that you miss me. 
I will always be some girl to laugh and joke about. My so called hope, just got thrown down the gutter. You know what the worst part of feeling this way is? You, being the closest to me, will never know how much I am hurting. Every time you ask me, ‘What’s wrong?’, my heart throbs. The words are at the edge of my lips, ‘you and me, never being an ‘US’, that’s what’s wrong’
I know Valentine’s like 2 weeks away, but the thought of it kills. I want to be dead that day.

You’ll take her on a date. Tell me how it was. I will see how happy you are with her. The again, sulk about not being her, feel horrible, probably stabbed myself with a knife at least 5 times in my head. 
Why should I be sad?! You’re happy. With me, or without me, doesn’t matter. Would be so much better if it was with me, though. But .. life.

I give and you take. That’s how it’s always been. 
I give you take,

Some things,

don’t ever change. 

 

-Disha♥

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I’m happy toda…

I’m happy today. I regret nothing. 

I had my exam today, and it was ‘ze bomb’, for everyone and they’re all expecting 75+ (Atleast that’s what they’re saying..). 
Either way. I saw the question paper, and just how it happens ALL THE TIME, the questions I skipped last night, those exact questions appeared. :’D
HAHAHAHAHA.
Yeah. I laughed like a maniac. And everyone else in the examination hall gave me the ‘You okay, asshole?’ look.
For a change, I don’t regret not studying that particular question. Or, I don’t feel like I’m the most horrible in the world. And you know why I’m blogging about this? Because the next time I feel horrible, I want to read this, and want  my future self to remember how I happy I was on 19th January, 2012. 
I know this post makes no sense, but .. that’s life. Life doesn’t make sense to either, but we still live it right? 
One day, everything awesome will happen to us, and we seem to think-’o0o0o. Yaaay. Life’s great. Nothing can spoil this’.
Our life on the other hand, want to just shove bad luck in our face to show us how wrong we were.

Either way, note to future self: Life’s awesome. And will always be, no matter what. :D

Happily yours,

-Disha♥ 

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I don’t quite know, how to feel this way.

Things don’t make sense. Nothing seems to add up. While everyone is having their happy ending, I am still here. Waiting.

And I don’t quite know, how long I can wait. And I’ve been wondering, how long I can stay away.I don’t think very long. I’m breaking, inside. And it’s all because of you.

You make me happy and sad at the same time. Everyday, I just wait for that one ‘hey’ of yours. The days seems to be bland. It’s okay. Even if I don’t get the hey, I’m cool with it. What pricks? That you don’t feel this way. The way I feel. You don’t wait on me. You don’t think of me when you look at the ceiling. You don’t linger outside my block hoping that I might just come down and you happen to bump into me coincidentally. This is what hurts. But I’m going to be okay living with the constant pain. pfft Not like it’s a big deal for you now, is it? You have a lot of girls behind you. But guesswhat? I’m not like those other girls.
You know why? ‘Cause I don’t need a reason to stop feeling for you.
Like, ‘Hey, you don’t like me back. Pfft, I’ll go behind some other douchebag! -Grin-’
Or, ‘Omg. You like her. And not me. ..Yeah. Whatever. I don’t care.
Oh, look hawt guy. -Crazy girl scream-’
I’m not either of the above mentioned girls, moron. I just don’t know why you can’t see it?
That I’ll always be there for you. For better and for worse. That whenever you need me, I’ll be there.
Even now when you told me you want her. You know bothered me? That I’m not good enough for you. And I never will be. I can never be her. I’m just going to be an ordinary girl, your best friend. That’s it. Best friends. Forever. Seemingly, forever isn’t a nice word all the time, is it? Ha. Guess not.
I’ll just blog about my feelings for you. That’s all.
And maybe over the years, when you’ll have a wonderful life partner, and I’ll still be waiting, I’ll read this over and again and dread my life.

It makes no sense, but what else can I do? How can I move on, when I’m still in love with you?

-Disha♥

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We all survived another year. Yes.

Thinking about it, I don’t get WHY people celebrate the 1st of January of every year.
It’s like, ‘Hey there mates! We all survived with each other for another year. Yipeee. Let’s get drunk’.

Someone once said, “It’s shame on all those who make a new year resolution. You know why? Cuz it’s just pathetic that you all need a ‘NEW YEAR’ as a reason to change yourself.” I TOTALLY AGREE WITH HIM/HER!

No point. Today, or you could say yesterday, since it’s past 12 O’clock, was just a deja vu moment. Wishing your dearest ones at exact 12:00AM, even though they all sound so cute, they’re dumb. Yeah, the oxymoron there was intended.

But last year, 2011, was amazing. Overall. I met the most wonderful people in my life. I got rid of the ones who weren’t required. I won’t say I found my ‘fake’ friends, it’s more like, I just wasn’t compatible enough with them and maybe the way they think and function is different from my thought process. Hey! Everyone’s allowed to have their own opinion.
And there’s this one friend of mine, speaks with me seldom, but as a matter of fact I know, that he’s always there. Or maybe not. Are you? Yeah, I know you’ll be reading this someday, so hey. :P

I hope my 174th month of me being human goes well. And wish you all the same! (Not your 174th month. DUH.)

-Disha♥

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It’s like they all lack a brain.

I’m not usually judgemental. But excuse me for being rash this time.
DO THEY NOT HAVE A BRAIN?
What to say when, no clue at all.
Yes, I’m talking about the group of so called humans, who will never change in this dynamic era, males.
All of them, airheads. Trust me, I’m not classifying all of them as ‘Airheads’ ’cause of one asshole.
It’s ALL OF THEM!

Let me tell you,
A girl takes up MONTHS to gain courage to ask this guy why they both don’t talk any more. And why they broke up. Lalalala.
She finally, decides to do it.
And you know what the guy does?
Yup, obviously hurts her, like always. BUT, there’s a catch to it, he also tells her that he didn’t really have feelings for here when they were in a relationship.
YOU CHEEKY BARMPOT! NO ONE DOES THAT!
Oh, a tiny piece of information, he was the only guy she liked a lot.

I know it doesn’t make a difference once I’ve told to this .. almost nobody, considering the fact that no one checks my blog. BUT OMG I FEEL SO MUCH MORE BETTER NOW!

To think about it on a more serious note, they will just never change. And this is just one of the incidents, let me tell you.
I could write a n number of books and not get tired.

I just hope all of their penises fall this Christmas eve, they grow a pair of breasts, and everything will be perfect! :D
Because girls know what to say at the right time.

-Disha♥

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“Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.”
—Rosemarie Urquico ♥

Yeah. I saw this on my friend;s facebook profile. And ^THIS is something that speaks truly about me.
I can say this with pride, my future boyfriend, won’t have to get me diamonds or .. D&G bags lalalalala.
No. Books. Just plain books.
A page is just page unless there are words in them. And then those stacks of pages, become a part of our imagination.

-Disha.♥

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I have loved you for a thousand years, I’ll love you for a thousand more ..

Things can be so bizarre. I was on this ‘I will not feel any emotion‘-mission. Ha. Epicest fail ever. We contradict ourselves everyday. I thought I wouldn’t fall again, and that I’d keep myself strong. Very strong. But you know what happened? Yeah, just like I predicted myself. I fell, way too hard. After all these months, why now? Sucks to be this way. Having to be so attached someone that you can’t imagine a day passing without speaking with them. I’m just a fifteen years old. Why should such silly things even matter? I will never know. But it still kills when we don’t speak. It still kills to see that you’re least bothered about my existence. It kills to see that .. you know don’t even know how I feel. Worst of all, being so close, I still can’t tell you. Not because I’m ashamed, no sire. Just because I don’t want to loose you. No matter what. And as a matter of fact I know that, you’d freak out if I would tell you any of this. So here I am, drinking Pepsi, blogging, wondering why things aren’t moving forward.
It makes no sense, but whatelse can I do? It’s not love, I can’t be, cuz we only love those whom we decide to spend out entire lives with. So no. No love business. Just .. I don’t know.

Everytime you feel bad about something, I feel like coming all the way to your house and want to tell you that everything will be alright. And, I want you to let you know that I’d never leave you, and whenever you’ll be low, I’ll be there to take you higher!

When you said, “I don’t get attached to anything, I’ve never been sad”, that sentence pretty much broke my heart. I thought over it for three days. You’d not even feel bad if I stopped talking to you ..
Ha. Why did I even expect anything?

Whatever, I’ll just be patient. I know my feelings are true, and I’ll pray to the God above to keep you happy ..

As I scrolled up to read this post, the only thing I was thinking, “Freaking hell! This is cheesy shit!”
But if pouring your heart out is referred to as cheesy, then I’m full of cheese!

-Disha.♥

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Last year, this time .. everything just so different.

Last year, at just exactly this very moment, I was doing something completely different.
So naive I was. I thought, back then, times would never change. And that everything will just be as jolly as it was. Now I know. Nothing, lasts forever.
If happiness doesn’t, sadness can’t last for long either.
This year, 14 October, I am at home spending quality time with my math books. Ha.
Will never forget.

-Disha♥